Well, well, well, you have made it 50 years on this earth, can you believe it? Allow me to start by saying I'm so incredibly proud of you. I know you had no idea how fast the time would fly. I know when you were 5, you wanted to be 10, when you were 10, you wanted to be 13 and on it on it went. The desire to get to the next phase of life didn't stop until 41 and suddenly, oh how you wished you could stop the clock. In fact truth be told, you would love to actually turn back the clock and perhaps go back to a time where there are no bills and no responsibilities, only family, friends, and fun. Let's go back in time for a bit, let me walk you down memory lane and point out exactly how you got here and how you are exactly where you need to be. Are you ready? Let's do this.
Dear younger self, don't worry about being too skinny or too dark. Don't worry about not having long, wavy, "good hair," like your classmate Nicole. Yes she was pretty but guess what, you are pretty too, and baby when you get to college and put on the freshman 15 lbs., watch out! Your milkshake will bring all the boys to the yard, OKAY. In fact some of those boys you will find should have been locked out at the gate. It's okay though, eventually you will learn, it's not about the outside, it's the inside that counts most. It will take years but you will learn what it means be enough for yourself. You will learn that you were born complete, whole, and fully capable of navigating this complicated world. You will also realize, all you had to do was stop putting chemicals in your hair, and you could grow your own long hair, down your back even, but you will get tired of the look, discover wigs and weaves and ROCK a mean buzz, blond cut.
You don't know it now but your childhood will serve as the foundation of your entire life. Although it won't be perfect and there is an adult who will attempt to steal your innocence, you however, were born with a super power called resiliency! It is in your bones, your DNA. You will not be destroyed. Therapy will serve you well and lead you down a path of self exploration and discovery, never ending discovery. The love, laughter, fun, adventure, support, community and diversity will all serve as the blocks on which your life is established.
God will order your steps, he will place spiritual people on your path that will provide you with an understanding of who he is at an impressionable age. Now there will be some false prophets as well but again, God and the spirit he put in you, won't allow the good to outshine the bad. God's plans to prosper and not harm you will keep you from straying too far at every turn. Your entire life will literally be filled with people who guide, direct, support and believe in you. Some will let you down but you will only be replenished by others who lift you up.
Although you wanted to be married by 25, it will be almost another decade before he finds you. You won't have that big wedding that you planned over and over in your head. Believe it or not you won't even have children, your priorities will change. Your desires will change, your career dreams will evolve. By the time "he" comes along, you will have been in enough weddings, been around enough children, that you will decide on a different path for yourself.
There will be challenges along the way, hills to climb, rivers to cross, even valley's dig out of but you will, every single time. Just know that the God you looked for as a little girl, the one you asked your mom about at a very young age, he will be with you every step of the way. He will see you through. He will be behind you, beside you and in front of you. He will never leave you. He will see you for who you are and who he created you to be. He will order your steps.
So girl, if the first 50 years were "all that," just imagine what the next 50 will be. What we both know for sure is that he, God, ain't going no where. He got you! He loves you with your chocolate self. And guess what I love you too. Now let's go get this next 50!
Your 50 Year Old Self